He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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