Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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