i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
