I must be too annoying 4 u.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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