omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
