We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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