I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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