It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
