Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
