Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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