i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
