You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ambien. No doubt about it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
