Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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