I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize