Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
