I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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