those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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