Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
