You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
