i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
