Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You need a sexual gate keeper
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize