Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
