What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize