i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
