Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
