im gay
i know
yea but for you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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