does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
