One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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