her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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