You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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