I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
