Hey man sorry I got all grabby
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
