OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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