Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize