My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
