Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
