I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
