considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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