i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
