Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
