just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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