How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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