fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
