I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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