I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
