a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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