I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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