...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
