he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
