pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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