there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
