shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
