How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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