I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
