to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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