this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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