My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
