im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
