mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
