take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
God, I missed his penis.
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