Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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