kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
