I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
