There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
