I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
