just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
