id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
