New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
