He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
