Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
