the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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