is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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