he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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